But do not talk about the baby I lost. I will not control myself. I’ll show you real crazy. 

People.These.Days.

I can’t even explain the turn of events today i’m just so very happy at life right now.

I think the best part that makes my heart all warm is being called ‘baby’ again.

The more you push me out the more I just don’t know how to feel, what if i’m still pregnant would you be willing to ignore a baby who never did anything to you?

If I recall, you were the one who constantly wanted me to be pregnant to ‘mend our relationship’

Here’s the thing: A human life should never be the reason you work things out with some one, quite simply you have done everything in your power to make me feel crappy. I said I wouldn’t make anymore rants and i’ve been doing pretty well but I have anger and frustrations.

People we mutually know tell me you sound nothing like a coward and you couldn’t deal with anything that you bottled everything up to the point of no return. You were off telling everyone your plan for leaving me when you told me you’d talk to ME about our problems instead of every other female in the world. 

We both have behaved so poorly that maybe not being together is what’s for the best because everyone on this god forsaken planet can see and say ‘You really loved Willy.’ 

I did, I loved you with all my heart every fiber of my being but it wasn’t enough it wasn’t good enough for you. The more I think about it the more I can see you did give up on everything there’s never been a single thing in your life you have actually put effort into and that’s just saddening. You presented yourself to me as this guy who had his life together and knew what he wanted and was willing to do what it took, i’m let down and just disappointed. There’s no woman in the world that deserves what I went through for the past weeks I honestly don’t even know how i’m alive now because I had never felt so low in my life, and anonymous people that will probably fill my ask box with rude shit I don’t even mind anymore i’m not fighting my reasoning with you. I was selfish to beg you to stay when you didn’t want to and I was selfish to cry when you left because in the end that’s what you wanted to the point you talked to the girl you ‘thought was so annoying and lead you on.’ 

I can’t blame you for not being ready to commit to some one, you’ve never really experienced any kind of relationship before I was your first everything and even in the end after all you said and did I was STILL willing to be your friend for better or worse. I cared, maybe I cared too much but i’m glad I never cheated on you and the only thing I did was speak to my ex which I had decency to tell you about. I’ve been in so many relationships in my life that I know what I want and I know what I need and I need some one willing who can put up with a lot of my bullshit because i’m not perfect i’m made up of so many flaws it’s funny. I’m clingy, needy, depressive, introverted, silent, and shy at times but there will be a person who likes all my qualities and doesn’t fabricate a love for me.

No one should just up and disappear once you give them all you have or when times get rough you have to learn to deal because loving some one is being selfless to the things you may want which is why i’m letting go of it all. I want you to have a good life I want you to be the happiest person in the world but I also want to be happy again I want to feel was happiness is to have my heart soar to have my stomach in knots.

It’s now my choice who I allow in my life again and surprisingly all the people I had kicked out over you have come back and have actually been very supportive and there for me when you wouldn’t be. Yes, I get sad yes I get sad every time I see a baby and every time I think of it I cry buckets for no reason but i’m not sad so much that you left me because i’ve been here before I felt this for a whole year after Ryan left me and it fucking sucked. I won’t be destroyed like that again, I won’t let some one get me that low again that I want my life over.

You were hands down the love of my life and yes it makes me sad I won’t be walking down the Isle with you and I wont be waking up next to you every morning or waking up before you do and caressing your cheeks while you sleep like I always did, but I have to be strong and I have to deal with the hand life has dealt me, everything happens for a reason, maybe you will go out in the world and experience everything you want have a million girlfriends and then you’ll find that one who makes you want to try and just be better.

You made me a better person and I am so very thankful for that because now I know how to be better I know how to be when the next person decides to walk into my life I understand now.

So thank you.